Day 27-i "slipped"
so i was doing really good, not even THINKING about starting smoking again, im used to the new lifestyle of being smoke free & lovin every minute of it....
but on day 27, i slipped!! a "slip" means a couple of puffs or 1 whole cigeratte, but then you stop again right away. and thats what i did.
how did it happen? well...i guess i was REALLY nervous after I got off the phone with 911 *lol*
why was i on the phone with 911?? because my boyfriend was out with the boys playin poker all night, we got into a HUGE fight over the phone cuz he was drunk, he told me at 2am on the phone that he was on his way home (even though i asked him if he could sleep over his friends house cuz i didnt want him to drive drunk!!!)
4:30am rolls around, and hes not home!!!!! i started to panic, i thought he got into a drunk driving accident or something......even called his mother up at 5am to see if she heard something from him!!
then i called 911 & asked them if they could get a GPS tracking from his cell phone, and they said that they dont know how...so i hung up with them......and i was left with no help, no answers, no word of my man being safe....
....i was screaming, shaking, mad, scared, sad, crying, & calling his cell phone over & over again ........
then i remembered, i had 2 cigerattes in my freezer from my quit day...i thought about it for a minute & said "fuck it!" and light 1 up anyways...took 3 hits and died it out.....i felt like shit, my lungs felt like shit, it tasted like shit....but it DID calm my nerves, thats all i needed...i was too crazy, i needed something. and taking a hit from a cig worked faster than a shot of vodka...
do i regret it?? not really. Cuz i know in my heart & in my mind, that im no longer a smoker. and it wasnt a "slip" because i craved the smoke or because i was bored or anything else...i thought my boyfriend was dead, for christs sakes!!!
if it took a moment of thinking that someone may be dead for me to think about smoking for 3 puffs, then i really have no shame.
that was on day 27...its now Day 34 & im still smoke free, havent lit up since my "slip" or anything :)
I just wanted to post my slip, cuz as i said in the begining, i was/am going to be 100% honest to myself & my blog!!!
~Jamie~
but on day 27, i slipped!! a "slip" means a couple of puffs or 1 whole cigeratte, but then you stop again right away. and thats what i did.
how did it happen? well...i guess i was REALLY nervous after I got off the phone with 911 *lol*
why was i on the phone with 911?? because my boyfriend was out with the boys playin poker all night, we got into a HUGE fight over the phone cuz he was drunk, he told me at 2am on the phone that he was on his way home (even though i asked him if he could sleep over his friends house cuz i didnt want him to drive drunk!!!)
4:30am rolls around, and hes not home!!!!! i started to panic, i thought he got into a drunk driving accident or something......even called his mother up at 5am to see if she heard something from him!!
then i called 911 & asked them if they could get a GPS tracking from his cell phone, and they said that they dont know how...so i hung up with them......and i was left with no help, no answers, no word of my man being safe....
....i was screaming, shaking, mad, scared, sad, crying, & calling his cell phone over & over again ........
then i remembered, i had 2 cigerattes in my freezer from my quit day...i thought about it for a minute & said "fuck it!" and light 1 up anyways...took 3 hits and died it out.....i felt like shit, my lungs felt like shit, it tasted like shit....but it DID calm my nerves, thats all i needed...i was too crazy, i needed something. and taking a hit from a cig worked faster than a shot of vodka...
do i regret it?? not really. Cuz i know in my heart & in my mind, that im no longer a smoker. and it wasnt a "slip" because i craved the smoke or because i was bored or anything else...i thought my boyfriend was dead, for christs sakes!!!
if it took a moment of thinking that someone may be dead for me to think about smoking for 3 puffs, then i really have no shame.
that was on day 27...its now Day 34 & im still smoke free, havent lit up since my "slip" or anything :)
I just wanted to post my slip, cuz as i said in the begining, i was/am going to be 100% honest to myself & my blog!!!
~Jamie~
posted by Baba @ 12:00 AM
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